Life has been crazy busy this year, which is why I haven’t posted in two months. I haven’t read any more books or done anything the least bit interesting. All I’ve been doing is student teaching.
Student teaching is alright. I’ve been dealing with non-stop talking, pregnant 15-year-olds, suspensions, expulsions, defiance, snot-nosed attitudes, and 118 extremely unmotivated students. I’m really starting to second guess my decision to teach.
Most days I dread going to school. I hate having to tell students to stop talking every 10 minutes. I hate having to put up with their shitty/bitchy attitudes. I hate being exposed to teacher gossip. I hate being called mean all of the time because I expect them to pay attention and work.
I do like some parts. I enjoy getting to know some of the students. I enjoy planning lessons, even though they’re unappreciated.
I’m graduating in May, which means I’m applying for jobs now. It’s hard to motivate myself to do so when every other week I cry because I don’t even know if this is what I want to do. Everyone tells me to get through two years of teaching before I decide, but I’d rather not be miserable for two years.
I don’t know what else I’d do though.
Something else that isn’t making things any easier is my boyfriend. He also graduates in May and has no clue what he’s doing. I’ve tried talking to him about places he would consider moving to, so I can apply to certain districts: he refuses to talk about it. It makes me feel like he doesn’t give a crap, and I’m starting to realize that we’re going to be doing the long distance thing, which I could handle but there is not even a hint at a time table for the situation.
I was excited to be growing up and entering the adult world, but now…not so much.
I'm 30. When did that happen?
I don't feel 30, so I guess this is my attempt to figure out who I am at this point in my life that has snuck up on me oh-so-quickly.